SCRIPT—Irene: Preventing a Misunderstood and Unnecessary Revenge.

I just packed up H.H. in a garbage bag and put him in the closet. Right now I'm typing on his predecessor, Calvin Coolidge. Usually in situations like this I wouldn't worry about H.H. However, since last year's snow storm I've had this little brown water stain on my ceiling right above my desk. I'll be damned if Irene is claiming Herbert. I can see this little senario playing out:

ROUGHLY 3 AM.

CAMERA OPENS ON SARAH SLEEPING SOUNDLY IN BED. SUDDENLY THERE IS A LOUD CRASH FOLLOWED BY THE SOUND OF DRIPPING WATER. SARAH SHOOTS UP AND LOOKS BEHIND HER. RECOGNITION TWISTS ONTO HER SLEEPY FACE.

SARAH:

Irene, Irene, Irene, I-rene! I'm begging of you please don't take take my man!

VOICEOVER IRENE:

Ha ha silly little girl! You thought you were immune to 

Irene's wrath simply because you are in Zone C?

SARAH:

Irene, Irene, Irene, I-rene! Please don't take him even though you can!

VO IRENE:

Stop singing Dolly Parton at me, it only makes me angrier! 

SARAH:

It was actually in the style of the White Stripes, but sure.

[Skip beat]

Major Bloomberg said I would be safe in Zone C and 

should only worry if you were a Cat 3 or 4!

VO IRENE:

That little turtle? You listen to him? Don't you remember last year's Christmas snow storm? 

My brother Kevin forced you to stay in Houston for an extra 3 days...

SARAH:

Tell Kevin I said 'thanks' for that actually. I got a few extra days with the fam and...

VO IRENE:

... and then you sat in at Bush Intercontinental for another five hours after that? 

Had you learned your lesson?

SARAH:

[audible gasp]

VO IRENE:

NO YOU HAD NOT! 

And it was I who further trapped you in the airplane once you got to Newark! I personally held back the little cart thingie that connects the jet-way to the aiplane door! 

[evil laugh]

SARAH:

Wait, you have a brother named Kevin? Does he take form in snow or wind? Is it just the over all precipitation that makes you related?How exactly do you... Seems a bit odd...

VO IRENE:

Silence you little turd monkey! Your insolence is only further proof you laugh in the face of my mother, Nature. You follow your turtle mayor's advice dispite my warning. LO! I claim your only prized possession. H.H. as you call him is now mine!

SARAH:

Nooo!

SARAH THRASHES MADLY IN HER BED SHEETS IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO REACH FOR H.H.

PAN TO H.H. FALLING OFF THE IKEA DESK AND ONTO THE SOAKING WET FLOOR. MORE WATER FALLS FROM A HOLE IN THE CEILING ONLY FALLING ON H.H. 

SARAH SOBS INTO HER TWISTED SHEETS AS THE EVIL LAUGH FADE INTO CAMERA BLACK.

END.

Well we can't have that now can we? I'm not sure how you set up a script as I've never written one, don't worry I don't care if it's right or not. 

So yea, to prevent Irene taking my man he's wrapped in a garbage bag and hidden safely in the closet.

Shhhh. It's a secret from looters too.